Ruminations...

What It's All About

This journal serves multiple purposes. I can use it to record my thoughts and feelings and activities so that I can remember them later. I can update my friends and family who are far away from me on my life. I can vent about stupid stuff that bugs me. And I have a permanent soapbox on which to stand and proclaim my personal truths. How awesome is that?

In My Head This Month

Mar. 29th, 2006 @ 03:36 pm Same Old Bri... Sort of

Feeling Kinda:

grateful
Jamming To: Ginuwine - Same Ol' G

It's been exactly six long months without a real update from me. Yikes. I am slacking on my journal game. I guess I have just been waiting for the right stuff to tell y'all at the right time. And I think it has come. So here it goes, an update on my life...

SCHOOL:
I AM UP OUT OF THIS PIECE IN 2 MONTHS!!! Yeah, so I am leaving my Ph.D. program at the end of this semester. I got my M.S. last May and I'm taking that degree and running... straight to LAW SCHOOL!! I have decided to enroll at the University of San Francisco in their JD/MBA program to study either banking/financial law or entertainment law. I am waaaay too excited to finally get to study something that I want to study and not something I am studying because I can make good money when I leave school or because I have natural aptitude. A wise person (Erin Miles) once told me that we should always study things we like.

The Ph.D. just wasn't for me. I gave it a good honest try for 3 years. I went through all of the proper motions and even managed to temporarily convince myself that I liked what I was studying and the future career to which it was leading. And I did, to some extent. But I didn't like doing research in an engineering arena, I didn't like my department or the people (faculty, staff, other grad students), I didn't like trying to study finance around civil engineers who did NOT understand me or what I was doing, and I was just miserable. I became queen of avoiding my advisor and the engineering building at all costs and spent my time plotting my out. And I found it. San Francisco here I come!

Reasons why I chose USF School of Law and the San Francisco Bay Area:

Their JD/MBA program is stellar.
I just felt comfortable when I visited the campus.
The school is a good size (195 people per class year).
The school and library building are very new and improved.
I *heart* San Francisco and the Bay Area and I have since I went to Oakland with my church for the first time in 1995. I have always wanted to live there. I love the weather, the culture, the people, EVERYTHING!!
I am only 6 hours from LA for auditions, classes, and Boogiezone (more about that way later).
San Francisco is where cool banking/finance stuff happens, so a job is a given.
Culture Shock Oakland.
I got peoples in the Bay and also in LA. (I don't have many peoples in FL.)
USF gave me an awesome scholarship so there's less debt.
In and Out Burger. (Getting hungry just thinking about it.)

Speaking of food...

WEIGHT LOSS:
On October 7, 2005 I weighed 171 pounds.

This is not the most I have ever weighed (that number is 195 and happened in July/August 2003) but it is definitely heavy. I wore a size 12 or 14 in clothing and I was a 36DD. On this day, as this version of Sabrina, I went to my first appointment with the woman who helped me change my life and my body.

My nutritionist. Her name is Allison and she is so f-ing awesome.

I learned new ways to eat the things I love, I learned new things to eat, I learned how to still treat myself and give in to my MANY cravings (buffalo wings, fried chicken, grape soda, IHOP, cheeseburgers, cookies, etc) without going overboard. I learned how to count calories, without limiting myself to grilled chicken, veggies, and Crystal Light (blech). Allison helped me have a healthier relationship with food AND to actually enjoy cooking (and I am quite good at it now, come to Cashville or the Bay and I got you). I eat a LOT less now and I may even eat better. Easier than LA Weight Loss, Weight Watchers, South Beach, the cabbage soup diet, or any other ridiculous plan. I eat when I am hungry. I stop when I'm not. Sometimes I eat cookies (and only cookies) for dinner. Yesterday I ate 8 fried chicken wings and a cheese danish. It's kind of amazing.

I studied under Allison for 4 months, through Thanksgiving AND Christmas. Most people gain weight over the holidays. I managed to lose. Then I had my final weigh-in in February and set out to continue my weight loss trend on my own. Today I went back to the office to weigh myself, get some more forms, and just check in with the staff there.

I now weigh 155.9 pounds.

I wear a size 8 and I am a 34D. Most of the clothes in my closet are too big. Some stuff falls off of me. My bathing suit is too big. I'm not yet where I want to be, but I know I can get there.

And I love it.

It's crazy that body weight is such a huge (no pun intended) concern of mine, but if you know me, you know how big (no pun intended) of a focus this is and has been in my life. I've been chubby since high school-ish, I guess. I gained 55 pounds over my 5 years in college. I have been on every type of diet imaginable, to no avail. I didn't even get the fluctuations that most dieters do. I was on a steady increase. And so I made "it" a priority. My weight has been in the forefront of mind for so long that I forgot what it was like to not worry about it. I can't say that I don't worry about it anymore. But now at least I know how to be healthy and that's far better than being thin anyday. Although, the complements from my friends and fam, the attention from random dudes, the newly baggy clothes, and the newfound joys of window shopping are pretty fun too. I know I can (and have) done it. And now that that business is done, I can focus my problem-solving mind towards the other three resolutions I make every year and never manage to keep...

DANCE:
So here is my current dance/aerobics schedule --

Monday
4:00-5:15pm teach hip-hop/funk aerobics and awesome abs
7:30-8:30pm take hip-hop dance

Tuesday
4:00-5:00pm take Boot Camp
5:00-8:00pm prepare for dance classes
8:30-9:30pm teach intermediate hip-hop dance
9:30-10:30pm VIBE/Momentum rehearsal

Wednesday
6:30-7:30pm teach Cardioboxing
8:00-9:00pm teach beginning hip-hop dance
9:00-11:00pm VIBE rehearsal

Thursday
7:30-9:30pm take intermediate and performance hip-hop funk

Friday
3:15-4:30pm teach hip-hop at Harpeth Hall School for Girls

Saturday
10:00-12:00pm teach performance hip-hop

Sunday
12:30-3:30pm VIBE Rehearsal

And then I do it all again. I love to dance. I love to teach. I love aerobics. I love hip-hop. I don't love having to do it 7 days a week. It's like my creative mind never gets a break. I have realized that I like to choreograph at my leisure. I don't like to have to do it to pay the bills or fulfill an obligation. Or maybe I just have too many dance-related obligations. All I know is, I am quite glad that I figured this out before I moved to Los Angeles to try the whole dancer thing out there.

Now don't mis-interpret this realization. In no way will I EVER give up dancing. I plan to do hip-hop as long as both of my legs are still working. I'll probably own a gym/studio one day and definitely teach once a week WHEREVER I am and WHOEVER I become. In fact, once my first year of law school is behind me, I plan to audition for Culture Shock Oakland and/or the Golden State Warriors Dancers. I want to dance, it keeps me sane. I just can't continue at the pace at which I am going. It's not quite for me.

FAMILY:
There's always a little bit of bad news. My fiesty grandmother (Moma Teenie, for any of you familiar with my stories) is very sick. She's 88 years old and quite possibly the strongest person I know. In addition to fighting with me for almost 25 years, she's fought (and beat) breast cancer twice and outlived every single one of her 9 siblings, younger and older. She was rushed to the hospital on March 1 and now she's in a nursing home cause she has dementia and loss of mobility from being on a respirator for 2 weeks. I went home to see her two weeks ago. She looked so small in that big hospital bed. My family has really been coming together to take care of her. My mother and her two older sisters are doing a phenomenal job of taking care of my grandmother and making sure that my grandfather is okay too. I love my fam. They're awesome. My grandmother is so blessed to have them. And so am I.

LIFE:
Truly, I am the happiest I have been in a looooooong time.

I have two awesome cities that I can call home (Baltimore and Nashville) with a third on the way. I have had the BEST time here in Nashville. I got to join the BEST sorority, meet the BEST people, make some more of the BEST friends, eat the BEST food (Southern cooking can't be touched!), and learn so much about myself and what I am really all about. Plus, they paid me WELL.

I have also slowed down my life a lot. I know that looking at my list of dance-related activities, it might not appear that way, but I have. I used to live a supersized existence. I am a lot more simple now. My current mantra,
"2006... only what's important to me"
is serving me well. Whenever I feel tired and/or overwhelmed, I think about that saying and then decide what NEEDS to be done and what just doesn't. And then I just do or don't do it. Simple. I'm telling y'all, it's miraculously soothing.

I have basically quit drinking. Liquor is extra calories and usually causes me to waste my weekends being unproductively passed out instead of being up and dancing. I used to waste entire valuable days. Now I am bright and bushy-tailed for 10am dance on Saturday and 9am Bible Study on Sunday. I also can be found on many a Friday or Saturday night curled up on my sofa and a) watching Law & Order b) making that Cashville/Bay Area connection over the phone or c) reading. And I love it. I still go out (of course y'all, I've only slowed down, not stopped, sheesh, who do you think I am?) just not as frequently. I refuse to be that girl who is a staple at every single party and event. I've been her since 1999. It's time to let someone else hold down the bar. You can also find me in church every Sunday. My friend DJ (a Vandy divinity grad student) invited me to his church back in September. I started going in October and have been going to New Covenant Christian Church ever since. As far as I am concerned this is the best change I have made, better even than losing almost 20 pounds and leaving a miserable graduate program. In Him, I have found true happiness and contentment. You can't beat that.

I'm also still working on stuff. (I mean, who isn't?) I need to stop cursing as much as I do. I need to learn how to better manage my money (ie, stop ballin like a Hilton heiress). I need to learn when to keep my big mouth shut. I could go on as I am sure everyone could. But I pray on it and work on it and that's just about all anyone can do.

MY FUTURE:
I am sort of chillin right now. After April 9, (my last dance show here at Vandy) I will be able to see straight and actually begin to think about the next tumultuous 9 months of my life. Towards the end of April, I gotta go back to USF for admitted students day. Then it's back to Nashville for Vanderbilt graduation (other people's, not mine). Then in May, I have a week of CRAZINESS including Twin and John's Med School Graduation, Sogini & Jinu's Wedding (back in TN), Anu & Amit's Wedding, Matt's College Graduation, Trip to the Bahamas with Mama & Matt, and MY 25TH BIRTHDAY!!! Then it's back to Cashville (again) for a summer of working a mindless job (I don't want to think), banking as much cash as possible, living out my lease, and having a good old Southern summer. I'm thinking weekend road trips, barbecues, and afternoons spent by the pool. In August, I pack up all my earthly belongings and (pay someone else to) load them onto a truck bound for San Francisco. Then I hop in the 4-year-old Honda Accord (hopefully with *good company*), crank up the stereo, open the sunroof, and follow the path of the truck, watching my USA go by in the process. And on August 15, when new student orientation begins at USF, I get to start the rest of my life...

So Yeah... About this Entry

4 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Dec. 27th, 2005 @ 01:40 am Coming Soon...

Feeling Kinda:

cheerful

... an update. I'm doing stuff, taking care of business and making sure that I am gonna be where I want to be. I promise to fill y'all in soon. Big plans, mayne, big plans. :o)

So Yeah... About this Entry

Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 01:10 am MD Dictionary

Feeling Kinda: sick

sick
Jamming To: none

Here is a handy little guide with definitions that were so necessary to get me through college at good old UMBC:

ASS'D OUT - to be left hanging, stood up: "Man, we was sposed to meet at the library but he left me ass'd out!"

BAMMA - a person who is not very trendy, whether it be fashion or music: "Ugh! Look at his shape-up...and his beat-up Pro Wings. Hes such a bamma"

BLOWN - very upset/disappointed

BOOSTED - to be excited, proud: "He was so boosted when he found out he got an A on his history test"

BUN - v. to make one a steady girl/boyfriend: "She's the complete package; looks, smarts and she cool to be around. i had to bun her"
n. a pretty girl/boy: "I was looking at ur sister yesterday, and I didnt realize but, she's a bun"

CARRY - to disrespect someone: "Jimmy tried to holla at Crystal, but she carried him by walking away"

CHILL MODE - calm, collected: "Afterschool, I just be on chill mode, dawg"

CRUSH - to consume speedily or with vigor; or to defeat handily (see PUNISH): "Those Steakums were bomb, man we crushed them joints"

GET YOUR MAN - have success, whether with a girl or in sports. Refers to competitive situations: "Ima get my man today. We gonna punish Suitland"

GUMP - a nerd and/or wimp: "I dared him to touch her butt, but he a gump"

JAH, JI -kinda/sorta or very, depending on emphasis: "She is jah phat"

JONING - making fun of another person: "Did u see that dudes shape-up? They was joning at the lunch table all period"

KIRK (v. to KIRK OUT) - to get very mad, or excited beyond ones normal range: "If the teacher wasnt there, he woulda kirked on that dude"

LUNCHING - joking around, acting foolishly: "During my free periods, we just be walking around or straight lunching, cuz we be bored"

NO BULL,BULLSH*T, B-SH*T- to mean something truthful; equivalent to "Im telling the truth": "Man, thats exactly what happened. No bull"

OVERCOMPENSATE - to do more than is nessacary in a given situation by showing off: "I mean, i know its hot but stop overcompensating man, put your shirt back on"

PRESSED - to be annoying, conceited: "He was so pressed to show everyone he got an A; he gets on my nerves"

PUNISH - to dispense with readily, to handle easily; deals with sexual intercourse when used in reference to girls

ROCK - to wear or sport. "You need to gimme back my damn AJA IMANI headband so i can rock it with this shirt I got to match"

SACK CHASER (ie Golddigger)- A woman who is only interested in a man for his money

SHORT - unfortunate: "I cant give u a ride, young. either ask Chris or u short"

SICE - to over exaggerate: “Tamika not even that tight Isaac Ji Siced her.

SLAM - directly: "He wasn't looking and the ball hit him slam in the head"

SLUMP - to knock down and/or out with extreme force. "Dog, you keep f*ckin around with girl like that and imma have to slump your wack ass."

SMASH - have sexual intercourse: "Ima ja blown cuz I went over her house, and her parents were there, so I couldnt smash"

SON-SON - same as "dawg" and "dogg", but normally someone younger: "Young, dont talk about Jason. Thats my son-son"

STEAL - to punch, assault someone: "Young, if u dont get out my face, Ima steal u slam in ur jaw"

STOUT - A very attractive male or female in both the face and body.

TIP DRILL - A woman or man who is only attractive from the neck down.

WACK - unfavorable, uncool, unpoplar or very loser-like. 1. "What is with this wack-ass grade you gave me? i got all the right answers and you still gave me a 'D', man"
2. "Do you know how wack you look right now? If I ever see you wear those highwater jeans and small-ass t-shirt again....."

YOUNG, JOE - equivalent to "son" or "kid" in NY; similar to "yo" also: "Young, Im sick of school" or "Chill out, joe. It aint even that serious"

So Yeah... About this Entry

2 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Sep. 29th, 2005 @ 11:51 am I'll Have My Life in Medium, Please

Feeling Kinda: pleased

pleased
Jamming To: Avant & Lil Wayne - You Know What (on repeat for hours!)

I'd like to raise my glass in celebration of life! Cheers! (Me in Charlotte this summer.)

Anyways, all is well on the Sabrina front. I have been quite the busy little girl with school, research stuff, TA-ing, aerobics, dance, VIBE, NPHC, and just being. I know I swore I would cut back on all the activity, but here's the thing. I am really only in two organizations that don't relate to dance, AKA and NPHC. And I refuse to do anything too participatory in my chapter of AKA because when I try, I am met with resistance and negativity, not constructive criticism and flexibility. So basically giving up some activity would mean not dancing or working out as much, and that is not the kind of cutting back that I want to do. And NPHC is my way of still working for the sorority, just kinda indirectly.

But I am good. These first few weeks back in school have been so great. I have been partying with the finest and funnest ladies in Nashville (This just in... the ladies are still having good times despite the unfavorable conditions in Nashville.) We have been all over the place acting a fool and laughing and drinking. I likes my BAPs. And Amber (and Mike) got a puppy so I am the godmother of a beautiful little 2-month-old half Chihuahua, half Black Lab named Riley Dior. She is all Black, wears designer puppy polo shirts, and is absolutely the cutest thing! She's become one of the girls too, as she also is a Black American Princess.

VIBE has taken off tremendously!! We had auditions Labor Day weekend and now we have a squad of 16 people (12 girls, 4 guys) and 5 or so performances for this fall semester. We are amped and ready to perform. I cannot explain the amount of love I have for this group. We have a blast in rehearsal and the group is really bonding. And it is such a blessing to be able to learn and perform the style of dance I love the most. Abby feels me. It's unreal to think about what it was almost a year ago and what it is now. Awesome. Here is our Fall 2005 performance schedule:

Wednesday, September 14 - Hurricane Katrina Relief Benefit Concert
Friday, September 30 @ 7pm - Luau Party at the Rec
Saturday, October 1 @ 3:30pm - Towers Tailgate Party for Vandy vs. MTSU
October 10-15 - Vanderbilt Homecoming (one of those days we'll dance somewhere)
Saturday, November 5 @ 7pm - Mens Basketball Exhibition Game

And tentatively scheduled for spring 2006 we have Dance Marathon, MOSAIC weekend, the Juggling Club Show, and the VDP Showcase!! I *heart* VIBE so much. And we're so good.

I am teaching my first dance class EVER all alone by myself this semester. My students aren't dancers, and it's weird cause I used to working with people who have a dance background, no matter how limited. My students are just regular people who have the desire to dance hip-hop (like most Americans). So I can't juts plow through choreography and then clean the piece to make everyone do the steps exactly correctly. I have to teach slowly and make up stuff that isn't too crazy or intricate but still holds their attention and makes them have fun, and they definitely don't have to be perfect at the end. I think it's going okay (except when I had to leave class in the middle to go perform with VIBE). They might actually like me! I was a little nervous (and still am everytime I walk into that classroom to teach) but I am beginning to realize that I don't have to be Chris to be good. I can just be Sabrina and dance and teach like Sabrina and they'll still learn a lot and have fun. *sigh*

So I went to get a trim and a press two weeks ago and I fell asleep while James was cutting my hair. As a result, my hair is super short. He took off a good three inches. Here it is straightened.

It's shorter than its been in a while. And it's ALL ONE COLOR. No more red or light brown or orange or pink or blonde-ish or white or anything. It's all Black! I think I am going to wait a while before I put any more colors in it. I want to let it all grow back first.

School is coming along. I have made a definite decision to go to law school and concentrate on banking/financial and/or corporate law. I have decided that I want to work in the legal or compliance part of a bank or financial institution. I am applying to these schools:

Vanderbilt (cause I already go here)
Boston University (cause they have a specific CENTER for Banking and Financial Law)
University of Miami
Howard, U Balt, UMD, GWU, American (cause these schools are in DC/MD which means IMF, World Bank, crabcakes, and home)
San Diego State (cause I can probably get in here)
some school in San Fran (just cause!)

My Vandy app will be completed and sent by the middle of October (early admission so I'll know the decision by December). So if I get into Vandy, I will do law school concurrently with Ph.D. starting fall 2006. If I don't and I get in somewhere else, I'll defer for a year and start in fall 2007 when I am done my PhD. All in all, by my 10-year high school reunion in October of 2008, I will have a B.S. in Math, an M.S. in Civil Engineering, a Ph.D. in Financial Engineering, and 1/3 of a J.D. specializing in Banking Law. I'll be 27 (and still not quite yet done with school). Yowza.

My Ph.D. stuff is going okay right now. I have two confirmed members of my dissertation committee (my advisor and another professor in my department whom I have had for two class and absolutely ADORE), one more I have invited, and one who said no but gave me suggestions for two other business school professors to ask. Plus I have my two non-voting members, my manager and my mentor from Bank of America. I am meeting with my advisor tomorrow to discuss my research progress (I'm in heavy literature review stage right now) and my comprehensive exams. I finally, truly enjoy what I am studying and will be really excited when I am done with my coursework (May 2006) and with my comps (Jan 2007) and qualifier (May 2006).

There are a few other developments in my life, mostly about my feelings and such. I'd go into it here, but that would be stupid. So suffice it say that given everything you've read so far and all the things you won't read, I am quite a content Sabrina. ::grins::

So after saying aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll of that, I am gonna say this. I am in the process of downsizing my life. I know, I know, I just listed about a million things that I am currently involved in, but hear me out. Downsizing doesn't necessarily mean I am going to quit everything and everyone and sit in my house and play Dungeons and Dragons. It means I am going to shift my life to include only those things and people that I want to put my all into. I live a supersized life. I do a LOT, I know a TON of people, I don't stop moving until I get in my bed at night and even then my mind is still going and sometimes I am choreographing until I fall asleep. I am tired of supersized. I am looking more for something medium-sized (like a lot of my clothing). I am tired of relationships that are one-sided. I am tired of placing emphasis on people and situations that are not only unimportant, but also may be detrimental to me and my health. I want to be about who and what is going to be there and matter in the long run.

So here's my plan (cause I always have a plan, you know that). The important things in my life are school, law school, VIBE, dance/aerobics, losing weight, finding a church in Nashville and going to it frequently, checking up on my mother, brother, and grandparents more frequently, and keeping my apartment clean. The important people... that's a little harder. I love people. I love all kinds of people. I love making new friends, and having conversation, and just being social. So I am not getting rid of people in my life. I am just going to limit my involvement with all people and limit the energy I expend on people who are cool, but aren't my ride-or-die homies. I'm just going to learn how to say no sometimes. Like, I don't have to go out every night of the weekend for my friends to still like me. I don't have to always be the one to offer a ride, or some money, or my help. I can let someone else fill in.

And I am learning that sometimes it's okay to grow apart from people. I don't have the same friendship needs that I had 4 or 7 or even 2 years ago. And thus, it is okay to let people who were so close then, fade away and just become happy memories. And it sounds horrible when you write it down or say it out loud but it's true. Sometimes I'm the only one making the effort to keep friendships alive and I have decided that I don't want to be that anymore. Life-long best friends, life-long good friends, and life-long friends (my levels of friendship) are in my life right now. I don't have to try to make every person I know fit into one of those three categories. Some people can just be my good friends or best friends for a season. I won't die if I can't call them in 10 years to babysit (or father my children). I'm an adult now, capable of making adult decisions and having adult relationships. I don't have the time energy or desire to play "Who Has the Most Friends?" anymore.

So basically all this downsizing thing is about is looking out for me and my best interests. Watch out for me. I'm doing big things in medium ways.

So Yeah... About this Entry

6 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Aug. 31st, 2005 @ 03:18 pm Vegas on Acid Seen Through Yves St. Laurent Glasses

Feeling Kinda: calm

calm
Jamming To: Kanye West - Late Registration

Briana said I should up date so...

I am back in Nashville, back in school, back to aerobics and dance... back to life as I know and love it.

Ahhhhh...

Kinda makes me not want to leave Nashville in 10 months. :( I'll deal with that when I get there. Anyways, my last few weeks have been cah-razy, and I am not even exaggerating. I moved out of my dorm at UNCC only to move into another dorm for like 4 days. The new dorm was old, in the woods, full of bugs, up two flights of stairs, and just all around gross. But the hardest part was figuring out what to leave packed up in my car and what to bring in. But on that Wednesday I left Charlotte after work and drove to Raleigh to hang out with J Lewis for a night. Then Thursday I woke up EARLY to drive to Nashville and run HELLA errands. I went to sign my lease, get my eyebrows arched, unpack some stuff at Amber's, go to dance class, unpack some more stuff at Karen's and then sleep over there. I woke up early Friday morning to meet Seanda at Amber's and then she took me to the airport to fly to LOS ANGELES!

I arrived on my American Airlines flight and then ran around LAX trying to find Nancy, Brett, and Deen. We all finally met up, ate some food, and then got into Deen's rented Cadillac and hit the streets of LA headed to our rented apartment for the weekend. Nancy and I got pedicures, the boys found the liquor store, then we all went to eat at Roscoe's (a MUST whenever in LA). Then we got all dolled up and went to a Four Brothers premiere party with John and Darian. Party was cool, I got TRASHED then we went home. Saturday morning/afternoon was all about the IHOP, the beach, and the Beverly Center. Then Deen, Brett, and I met some people out for Deen's birthday dinner at "Grill on the Alley" in Beverly Hills right off Rodeo. That restaurant was AWESOME! I highly recommend it to any LA visitors. I had the lamb. Then we met up with Nancy and Sarah and went to Blowfish (sushi place). That spot was wack so John and Darian came and got me and we ended up at the Highlands in Hollywood. That club was nice, but I was TIRED and sober (by choice). And then Deen did us all wrong and left everyone sitting in the club while he had a little fun with the Cadillac. Boo. That made everyone's mood sour.

Sunday we got up and left LA for more southern areas. Nancy and I rented a Jag and took it to Cerritos to see Michelle, Donevan and the rest of the Filipino crew. My Ses was even there! We all went to eat Thai and then us grown-ups went to see Wedding Crashers. Monday I just hung out with Sese, Michelle, and Donevan. Can I just say that I am IN LOVE with Donevan Cain Mariano?!? He is the sweetest, best-tempered, cutest, bestest baby! I have to do a better job as Auntie Sabrina and spoil him much more. He (and his Mama) deserve it. Then Nancy and I drove to Irvine to have Persian food with Sarah and then we drove to San Bernadino to get ready for Nance's grad school interview at Loma Linda on Tuesday. Tuesday I dropped Nancy at her interview at 8am and then SLEPT ALL DAY LONG. Like no lie. I slept until 4pm. My past few busy weeks finally caught up with me.

But then Wednesday we got up at 4:30am and drove to LAX (almost a two-hour drive) to catch our flight to Vegas. We got to Vegas and Kittrell scooped us from the airport and dropped us at the Palms (free room, courtesy of him). We layed out by the Skin pool (I got in) and then Nancy took a nap while I wandered the city. Then we ate sushi and got all dolled up to go out. Kittrell scooped us again and should us a good time at two different clubs. It's fun to go clubbing with a Vegas local because he gets VIP everywhere. He also made sure we had drinks all night. We ended up at a strip club (3rd venue of the evening) and then bed was necessary. Thursday I had a massage at the Canyon SpaClub at the Venetian and then I did breakfast at Denny's. Then I explored some more of the city by myself via monorail. I like Vegas a lot and I need to go back and visit again soon (hopefully in December). Then I came back to the hotel and tried to nap but ended up reading and finishing "Memoirs of a Geisha" while eating a hamburger Happy Meal from the McD's in our hotel/casino. Then I got dressed and went to the buffet at Treasure Island (T.I.) called Dishes. Yum, yum. If I had that kind of food available to me everyday, I would be 100 pounds heavier than I am right now. Then I saw "Sirens" the outdoor free show at T.I. (Nancy went out with Kittrell.) I came back and got in the bed and watched TV until she came home.

I left the Palms by cab headed for the airport at 5:30am to make my 7:30am flight BACK to Los Angeles. When I landed I had to collect all my luggage (y'all know I don't pack light) and hop the airport shuttle from Southwest to American. The lines were loooooong, but at least I gave myself enough time to make my 10:00am flight to Dallas. My flight to Dallas ended up being delayed and then my flight from Dallas to Nashville also was delayed (for 2 different reasons). But eventually I made it home and Amber and Mike picked me up from BNA and dropped me at my car. I shoved my suitcases in the front seat and drove to my NEW APARTMENT!! I moved everything out of my car into the house and then rented Bride and Prejudice, got a sub and some fries, and watched a DVD on my laptop on the floor of my empty living room.

Saturday I got up early to meet the movers at my storage place and then Karen came to keep me company while they moved my stuff in. Then she made me unpack and Seanda came over and I went apartment hunting with her. Saturday I just chilled out in my new place and unpacked/watched TV. Sunday I got up in time to go host the OBGAPS (Organization of Black Graduate and Professional Students) Welcome Back Picnic. When it was done we had leftover food so I drove around with Mary and Kristen trying to find a shelter to give it to. Monday I had a meeting with my advisor and then I started back into my dance aerobics schedule. The schedule is ill. Look.

Mondays
4-5:15pm Teach Hip-Hop Funk Aerobics and Awesome Abs
7:30-8:30pm Int/Adv Hip-Hop Dance Class @ Green Hills School of Dance

Tuesdays
4-5pm Teach Cardioboxing and Abs
7-8pm Beg/Int Hip-Hop Dance Class @ GHSD
8-9pm Int/Adv Hip-Hop Dance Class @ GHSD

Wednesdays
6:30-7:30pm Teach Cardioboxing and Sculpting
7-8pm Fusion Jazz/Hip-Hop @ GHSD

Thursdays
3:30-4:30pm Teach Hip-Hop Funk Aerobics
7-8pm Beg/Int Hip-Hop Dance Class @ GHSD

Think I'm crazy yet? Cause soon I will be adding...

Tuesdays
6-6:45pm Boot Camp with my fave personal trainer Johnny

Wednesdays
8-9pm Teach Beg Hip-Hop Dance Class @ Vandy
9-11pm VIBE Hip-Hop Dance Group Rehearsal
(minus Fusion)

Thursdays
8:30-9:30pm Performance Hip-Hop Funk Dance Class Rehearsal

Sundays
12-3pm VIBE Hip-Hop Dance Group Rehearsal

So basically dance, aerobics, and school are my life. No more OBGAPS Treasurer. No more NPHC Treasurer (I think). I don't have a position in my sorority. I don't hang out with my peeps during the week usually. And I don't sleep more than 7 hours most nights (not including the weekend).

But last week was fun. I was SORE AS WHAT come Thursday. But that didn't stop me from going out on Friday night. Friday Night Lights on the first weekend back for everyone was 18 and up. So HELLA people were there and it was fun (even though it was so hot in there). I went with my VIBE executive board members and we acted kinda crazy. Branscomb breakfast and a rendevous with some Vandy football players ended a night of drunken debauchery. Saturday I did a whole lot of nothing and then went to Amber's to eat dinner. Sunday was my two staff meetings (one for aerobics and one for dance) and then a VIBE rehearsal to finalize the routine we're teaching at auditions TODAY!!!

So I am leaving now because I have to babysit Caroline, teach Cardioboxing, do the VIBE audition clinic, and then maybe go see Marcus Magee because I haven't any classes tomorrow.

And that folks is why my life is like Vegas on acid seen through Yves St. Laurent glasses.

Phew! I'll holla.

So Yeah... About this Entry

9 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 06:19 pm Commitments & Truly-Significant Others

Feeling Kinda:

contemplative
Jamming To: Marques Houston - Naked (whole album, I like it now!)

Sooooo...

My meeting with advisor manager mentor went pretty well. Here is their plan. I am going back to Vanderbilt for one more year to do the following things. a) Complete 3-4 more courses (mainly in Electrical Engineering). b) Study for, take, and PASS my comprehensive exams. c) Design my interdisciplinary major and have it approved by the Graduate School. d) Formalize my research and begin my qualifying exam (research proposal). The topic I will be researching is coming directly from my manager at the Bank and is both interesting and highly quantitative (if you want to know what it is, ask and I will explain). Already I have begun working and I have had to call upon some mathematics and programming skills that have been suppressed for half a decade. After I have done those four things above (sometime between May and August of 2006) I will be moving to Charlotte, NC and finishing out the PhD doing my research at the Bank. Then, presumably, they'll hire me for real. In terms of cash money, the Bank is not paying for my next year, but they have "committed" to pay for me once I get back here next year. So in turn, my advisor has "committed" to finding me some sort of funding for this next year. (His idea of sufficient funding is paltry at best, so I will probably be taking out some sort of small student loan for this year.) I also still plan to apply to Law School for Fall 2006, which will throw a wrench in this plan, but we'll deal with that when I get in.

So that's where we are right now. I have a plan, I just have to make it happen. All in all, I should be a doctor by the end of 2007 (at the latest). Now is when I need y'all to start praying for me hardcore. Although the plan is laid out, it is not an easy road. And I don't subscribe to stress, but I do like to worry about failure and then plan possible exit strategies just in case (as evidenced by the post before last). Once I start down this road, it will be a battle to keep me on it.

It doesn't feel right. I don't feel like this is what I want to do with the rest of my life/career. I sit in a cubicle by myself all day long and stare at a computer screen. B of A is a heavy meeting culture so I do spend a significant amount of time in meetings, but not enough time moving around or outdoors. I also like the emphasis placed on working collaboratively to solve problems and the project management type of stuff we do. But once again, I am drawn back to what makes me happiest (besides dance and aerobics)...

I am back to wanting to plan events, y'all. Like for real. I know I talk about this ALL THE TIME but I really am ready to take the necessary steps to make this happen. So while I work hard on my school stuff and my law school apps, I also plan to spend some time learning the event management business and what it takes to make it there. And then in May, I will make a decision. Or something. Who really knows. I may not actually get anywhere with event planning and then I default into research at the Bank. I wish I had answers. Oh well, I am young yet.

Enough about me and onto the good stuff. Me ranting about something I have observed in life...

So it seems to me that a lot of my friends are getting (and keeping) "Truly-Significant Others". I don't mean like they all have boyfriends and girlfriends and are dating and shit, but I mean like these are the boyfriends and girlfriends that MATTER. Like the ones they're gonna be with forever, or at least for a significant amount of time or during a significant period in life. These are the truly-significant others who will serve as dates to such monumental events as 10-year high school reunions, other people's weddings, family gatherings, and company holiday parties. The truly-significant other doesn't go away when you move out of state, s/he moves with you or spends the necessary cash to visit enough to make it work until y'all can live in the same place again. You and the truly-significant other may have things that belong to you jointly and equally like apartments, mortgages, pets, kids, flat screen TVs. The truly-significant other has not only met your parents, but has their cell phone numbers in their phone in addition to yours even though you've not really lived at home since the 90's. Truly-significant others plan vacations together and are known to have the same cell phone carrier because "couples talk free". They are truly-significant when you can take them to the club with you AND have a good old time AND be okay if they dance with someone else (cause you know who they are going home with) AND nothing overly dramatic happens AND no one around you thinks this is in the least bit weird. And most importantly, truly-significant others are in LOVE. They are not in it solely for the money or the looks or the other "perks" or cause it's convenient. Your friends don't care if you think their truly-significant other is funny-looking or dull or unfaithful because they're in it to win it, possibly into marriage. They are finna make it work... because it is truly significant.

It's amazing how that happens. How friends you thought were normal, all of a sudden find this other person who makes them happier than they can ever remember being and then that happiness-bringer becomes a significant part of their life, and sometimes yours too. I have some absolutely fantastic new people in my life now because some of my friends and family have absolutely fantastic truly-significant others. And I think it is great. It's cute to watch because it's not fake or sickening. It's a positive life-changing thing for everyone involved because it happens naturally. It is a learning experience for me because I get to observe what happy couples look like (not much of a good example with my parents so this process is quite interesting to me). And it's happening around me like an epidemic.

I think that being 24 means that the early stage of weddings is about to finish, and it is notorious for ending with a bang. The early stage starts right after high school and continues until just about everyone has moved out of their parent's house and gotten their own health insurance and Sam's club membership. The middle stage of weddings occurs at the completion of advanced degrees (PhD, MD, JD, MBA, etc) or at the first or second job change or promotion and goes until just about 35 (in time to still be "traditional" young parents). Then the later stage starts somewhere around 40 and ends in the nursing home. (I know that's a big range, but I am speaking specifically of first marriages and marriages later in life are often second ones.) The early stage finishes with a bang because there are still people who believe that marriage must be done while one is still in their 20's. So for some people, between 24 and 27, there is a perceived hustle to get into that dress (or sari) and get down that aisle.

And even the ones who aren't getting married are making serious commitments. I have more than a few friends living in sin (lol, please) with their truly-significant other. Some even purchase real estate together. And I know many who have children together. (Which is a bigger commitment, a 30-year mortgage or a kid you gotta support until age 18? Ha ha, you'd better buy that house!)

And here I am. Commitment-free and not sad cause I don't have my truly-significant other, but not expressly elated either. I throw my energy into school (yeah right) and dance and aerobics and shopping and trying to find the meaning of life so it doesn't really feel like anything is missing until I go to buy baby clothes for a gift for a good friend and think about the day (waaaaaaaaaay in the future) when I'll be shopping for a mini-Sabrina. Or I get an e-mail from a friend who moved down two states and her boyfriend dutifully followed and moved right along with her (so she could pursue HER dreams) and think about my upcoming move to a beautiful one bedroom apartment that I look forward to inhabiting all by myself for the next year (so I can pursue MY dreams). Or I try to plan my 25th birthday celebration (Wednesday, May 24, 2006, biatches) but realize that I will be in a wedding the weekend before (in DC) and attending a wedding the weekend after (in Chattanooga, TN). It is at these times when I wonder if my life is EXACTLY what/where I want it to be.

I like my life. A LOT. I even love it. But it is seems so different from the lives of the half of my friends who have truly-significant others and have made these various commitments. Mine seems funner, but theirs seem safer. I am allowed to be self-serving at all times and no one faults me for it. But when I get home at night, no one except Everene is worried about where I have been. And most of the time, she is unaware that I was even out (as I no longer live in her house).

Ugh. I hate to be this open. This is not a "woe is me"-type entry. Waste no pity and don't worry about me, cause while you're worrying I'll surely be up in the club scheming drinks from guys and dancing all night long. That's what I do. But it's not ALL I do. I am definitely very independent but this doesn't mean that I don't ever need anything from anyone. Someday I will stop irrationally claiming a fear of commitment and open myself up to chill with someone for whom I am truly significant. And maybe I'll think he is too. :)

So Yeah... About this Entry

5 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 08:46 pm Me and Me

Feeling Kinda: anxious

anxious
Jamming To: 112 - Pleasure and Pain

FIRSTS
First best friend: Leanora Eubanks
First car: 2002 blue Honda Accord EX (same car I drive right now)
First screen name: JohnnieBlu (same one I have right now, lol)
First self purchased CD: Ace of Base
First pet: Excluding nonspecific goldfish, a beautiful puppy named Misty who ran away twice
First piercing/tattoo: Ears (first, last, and only)

LASTS
Last cigarette: Never! (Excluding my college habit of smoking Black and Mild cigars.)
Last car ride: 9am this morning when I came to work
Last good cry: A while ago, I have been fairly happy lately
Last kiss: That will give too much away.
Last crush: NOW!
Last phone call: At 5:47pm Anu Shenoy called me and began ranting (I love my best friends!)
Last time showered: (Warning: This may be disgusting.) Ummm, Wednesday morning (I think), possibly Tuesday night... it's amazing how long you can go without showering
Last shoes worn: I just got rid of the Steve Madden pumps I wear at work and put on some little flat beaded Asian-y shoes.
Last song played: 112 - God Knows (last track on the Pleasure and Pain album)
Last item bought: Stouffer's lasagna, caesar salad, and a blueberry muffin all from Reid's for dinner last night
Last annoyance: This gosh darn MATLAB program I have been working on at work
Last website visited: www.friendster.com
Last word/s you said: "Have a good night!" to the last person on my floor to leave the office besides me
Last song you sang: 112 - Last to Know (or something)

PRESENT
What color of underwear are you wearing? Black with pink borders
What's under your bed?: Suitcases, dirty clothes, an extension cord, shoes (I think)
What time did you wake up today?: The first time... 7:15am. The final time... 8:45am. And then in 9 minute intervals in between (hell yeah, snooze button).

FUTURE
Where do you want to go? Tonight, home. Tomorrow, Target. Next week, Raleigh, Nashville, LA, and Vegas. Next month, home to Baltimore. Next year, Paris and Ghana. Long run, Italy, Japan, Alaska, Egypt, London, China, Brazil... I could keep going
What is your career going to be? Probably a Q&P Engineer for Bank of America first. Then a Wedding Planner.
Where are you going to live? (in no particular order) Baltimore, DC, Charlotte, Nashville, LA, San Francisco, San Diego, NYC, Dallas, Boston, Chicago, Madrid, Miami, and Atlanta.
How many kids do you want? There will be <= 3 that will come out of me, but I want 5 or 6 total. So I will adopt.
What kind of car(s): A Black convertible Benz with light blue leather interior AND some sort of huge intrusive SUV (but not a Hummer), like an Escalade

CURRENT
Current mood: hungry, tired, frustrated, bored
Current music: My 112 CD just finished
Current taste: Yick, cause my mouth has been closed for a loooong time
Current hair: Slicked back into a bun. Work hair. It needs to be washed.
Current clothes: Striped short-sleeve Ann Taylor Loft blouse, grey slacks from the Limited, sparkly flats, black cardigan sweater. Work clothes. The sweater is cause my building is hella cold.
Current book: Do the articles I am reading on "using the rescaled range to estimate the Hurst coeefficient in Brownian motion" count?
Current hate: Nothing. Hate destroys the soul.

(x) - you've done
(_) - you haven't done

(x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(_) been dumped
(_) been in a fist fight
(_) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) ever dated someone of the opposite sex
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(_) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(x) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(_) Been to Canada
(_) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(_) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Eaten Sushi
(_) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(_) Been moshing at a concert
(_) Had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(_) Been in an abusive relationship.
(_) Been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(_) Lost a child
(x) Gone to college
(x) Taken painkillers
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now

UNIQUE
1. Nervous Habits? Forgetting where to put my arms. I don't get nervous a whole lot.
2. Are you double jointed? Nope
3. Can you roll your tongue? Yep
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Totally
5. Can you blow spit bubble? Nope. (I just tried.)
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes
7. Do you make your bed daily? Not since I moved out of Everene's house, except when I am trying to make my house look neater than it is

CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first? Whichever one I find in the closet/under the bed first
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? Yep
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? I don't like cash. I deal in plastic.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? I did have a necklace that Wass gave me that I never took off. But I have it now for safe keeping in my jewelry box. Now, I switch up jewelry like undies.
14. Favorite piece of clothing? Pink AKA hoodie

FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I use other types of pasta when I make spaghetti. Kinds that don't require extra work.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? Nah
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry from Maggie Moo's with fresh strawberries rolled in
18. Favorite candy treat? Nestle turtles
19. Ideal bagel? One that will magically turn into pancakes, bacon, and eggs
20. How many cereals in your cabinet? 2... Cornflakes and Special K

So Yeah... About this Entry

2 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Jul. 21st, 2005 @ 11:35 pm Instead I Can...

Feeling Kinda: nervous

nervous
Jamming To: R. Kelly - The R in R&B Collection: Volume 1

Here I sit on the eve of THE day that will decide the next 2-3 years of my life. (Why then, I chose R. Kelly to listen to on this auspicious night is beyond me.) I have my incense burning and I am drinking my signature cranberry ginger ale out of a long-stemmed wine glass. I have on pink Victoria's Secret capri PJ pants and my Sponge Bob t-shirt. I am clean, fed, and just finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I should be happy and ready for some good sleep. But I am not. Tomorrow my Vandy advisor and my B of A manager will meet again, this time in Charlotte and this time to discuss my academic future. They (plus me and my mentor) will craft a highly quantitative project to keep me busy for at least 3 semesters and a summer. Then the two of them will discuss who will pay for such wonderfully genius endeavours. In the end, I will come out with a project that I find interesting and that B of A will find useful and they'll promise to provide me with some funding to complete my PhDiva transformation. Then I get to go back to Nashville in style.

But I am worried sick. What if that doesn't happen? What if my advisor doesn't like the work I have been doing thus far this summer? What if he asks me questions I can't answer? What if my manager thinks I am a slacker because my project is not as quantitative or as useful or as high-profile as the one he gave to the two Chinese guy interns? What if he tries to ask me questions about statistical concepts that I haven't thought about in months and definitely cannot recall on the spot while nervous even though I know I know them and they are safely tucked away both in my memory and in my boxes at the Public Storage in Nashville? What if they decide (advisor and manager together of course) that I am just not worth the time or effort or money because I am clearly inept at reserach and school and thus life?

*sigh* *HICCUP*

So you see where I am right now. In some state of insanity. I needed to do something to make me feel better about me. So since Elby was watching "Without a Trace", Mason was playing video games in Best Buy, and Amber listened to me whine earlier, I was left alone (I know, I know, I so could have called you) to self-soothe. So I swigged my play-wine, pumped up "Thoia Thoing", took out some paper and my new B of A pen and began writing (what I do best).

And now I have a back-up plan. I have several actually. I have been brooding all day long and fighting the urge to just get in bed and not get back out until Saturday, lamenting what I will do with my life if I am not enrolled at Vandy in August. I have come up with a list of perfectly viable options. Here they are, in the order in which I thought of them.

What I Can Do Instead of Grad School

Move to Los Angeles or San Francisco and get a job planning events and weddings (or doing something related to my degrees, I guess).
Find a job in Nashville and apply to law school for the fall of 2006.
Move back to Maryland or DC, get a job at Ferris Baker Watts (or something in the *gasp* teaching field). Save money. Apply to law school. Or work for some years and go back to get an MBA (which I don't really need).
Stay in Charlotte and get a job with the Bank. Apply to law school or something. Work in uptown Charlotte like it was summer 2005 forever.
Move back home with Everene and cry often. Get a job eventually of some sort. In the meantime, teach aerobics at my "urban" Bally's on Rt. 40.
Sell everything I own and travel the world in an attempt to "find myself" like the white kids do.
Get some sort of financial-type employment in New York City just so my grandmother can worry about me even more than she already does, bless her heart. Move there and dance all the time (except when said job has me working crazy hours).
Write a book about life, specifically mine.

That's all I could think of before R. Kelly stopped claiming to believe he could fly and before the fizz in my ginger ale was all gone. I think I am going to attempt sleep (or at least turn on the TV and lay in my bed). I deserve it. Y'all pray for me please.

So Yeah... About this Entry

4 comments
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Jul. 5th, 2005 @ 02:09 pm Sticky Boredom

Feeling Kinda:

aggravated
Jamming To: Mariah Carey - The Emancipation of Mimi (whole album)

Top 7 BAD Things About Today:

The price of daily parking went up from $3.50 a day to $4.25. I need a monthly parking pass (which they don’t have any more of for my lot).
I still have no AC and no cable. Yet I am paying for it. (This is precisely why I have yet to pay my June rent.)
There were no blueberry muffins at Reid’s this morning, so I was forced to eat yogurt.
There is a meeting right now in my office (conference room) so I can’t check my e-mail or my schedule for the day.
The front headlight in my car is still out and I have to go get it fixed today.
Elby left me this morning.
My software keeps crashing when I try to run my analyses. I e-mailed the developer to get it fixed, but I can’t check for his response yet (see #4).

Top 6 GOOD Things About Today:

It’s not Monday but it is the first workday of the week, which makes this a short week.
I got the BEST e-card yesterday which is STILL making me smile. J
I am wearing new shoes and a new skirt, both of which were purchased this weekend on one of my “Escapes to the Mall” to avoid the heat in Squires Hall.
I “did lunch” with a fellow B of A intern named AJ and it was nice, good food and conversation.
I get to go to NASHVILLE on Friday! Hell yeah.
Today was Myra’s first day of work as a real working adult and I am so proud of her. My baby is all growed up!

So the theme for this past weekend was “Sticky Boredom.” So basically there was some thunderstorming on Thursday and Friday that caused the cable to go out. Also, lightning hit the chilling unit on the air-conditioning. So our ENTIRE DORM has been without cable AND air-conditioning since Friday. As this was a holiday weekend, no one was pressed to come fix it. So we have been miserably bored and sweaty and sticky for 4 days. I haven’t used my stove or oven for fear of heating the apartment up further. I went to Walmart and bought 2 fans that surround my head while I sleep (damn near naked) with the window open and no covers even on the bed. I was unprepared for such heat. This is not to say that I can’t live without AC. My house at 2410 Overland Avenue where I grew up had no AC. But my dorm does not have the ventilation or the windows that 2410 had. Nor did anyone bring a fan. I pray that it is back on by the time I get home today.

Last night I officially bought my ticket to go to LA from August 12-19, 2005. So Michelle, Darian, Bindu, Ray, Ron, and anyone else in the general So Cal area, here is your notice. Sabrina is coming. Be prepared to see her and hang out with her. And for all my Northern Cali folk, I still have a free roundtrip ticket on Southwest so I will be up in your area at some point before the year is out. Probably after I finish my qualifying exams and am an official PhD candidate.

Carson Kressley has me convinced that I can use baby wipes to remove any and all stains from my clothing.

I have nothing else to say.

So Yeah... About this Entry

Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Jul. 1st, 2005 @ 11:40 am I Push Rhymes Like WEIGHT... a Minute

Feeling Kinda:

accomplished
Jamming To: Musiq Soulchild - Soulstar

I bought a scale yesterday. This purchase came after the (long overdue) realization that I have a complex about my weight and my size but that I am completely comfortable with this complex. I even embrace it. So last night my roommates and I weighed ourselves (the cable was out so we spent the evening acting a damn fool) on the new scale in the kitchen. I put the scale in the kitchen so that I would think twice before eating unnecessarily. I expertly calibrated the scale and set it on the floor (not on the carpet) and precisely positioned my feet so that I could get a true, accurate, complete, and total-body weight for myself. The scale said 166. Thinking that this was some kind of cruel joke, I got off, re-positioned myself and tried again. 166 again. So then I took a shower and dressed myself up in my finest typical work-out clothes, complete with tennis shoes, 2 sports bras, and a bandana, because that’s what I usually weigh myself in at the Rec at Vandy. I commissioned my roommate Donna to be my scale reader and the two of us proceeded to the kitchen to validate the earlier findings. I stepped on the scale and Donna and I both looked at it. 168. Okay. I stepped off and got rid of the shoes and got back on again. 167. WTF?!? “Yep,” Donna says, “Definitely 167. So your shoes weigh a pound.” Holy cow! This is insane! This is the first time since junior year of college (2000-2001) that I have weighed less than 170 pounds while fully dressed, with a full stomach, not having just alcohol-vomitted up my Pub dinner from the night before. I am so happy about this that I could cry. I am almost 30 pounds lighter than I was during the last week on Upward Bound in July of 2003 almost exactly 2 years ago. This is a long hard process (and it is not over yet) but clearly, I can do this. Those three numbers on the scale proved that I have the power and the drive to lose weight, improve my health, and look better (to me) in my clothes. Oh hell yeah. :)

Now some of ya’ll may not know exactly what this means or how it feels. And you may never have to. Being overweight is damaging to your body and your health. Not only do you put yourself at risk for things like heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea, and gallstones, but you also make yourself physically uncomfortable in your own skin. As fat accumulates, it crowds the space occupied by your organs. People who are overweight may have difficulty breathing, walking or sitting! But in addition to these health concerns, being overweight also does a number on your mental well being, especially if you have been smaller at a previous point in your adult life. Summer 2003, I did not have nearly the confidence that I have now. I didn’t like to go out as much. I slept a lot (when I wasn’t dealing with those kids) and wasn’t anti-social exactly, but just not as apt to get up and go. My clothes didn’t fit. I couldn’t shop like I like to in the stores that I like. My overall quality of life was lower (with the exception of my boyfriend at the time, he was great and I felt the most adored when I was at my heaviest, which only serves to make me feel better about me in general). People and medical websites don’t always discuss the psychological effects that being overweight can have on a person. As Black women we are often praised for being “thick” or having “curves” or having “meat” on our bones. It is sometimes tricky to draw that line between attractively thick and unhealthy. And at the other end of the spectrum, starving oneself to achieve some artificial standard of beauty is waaaaay more fatal and damaging than being overweight. Among people everywhere, weight is such a touchy subject. You can tell someone that their hair color is all wrong, but not that their size is too. You can tell someone to stop smoking, but not to stop overeating. But that’s enough of my preaching. I am going to go celebrate my weight loss with some French fries. Lol.

Ahhhh… week four will be over and done with in a few hours. Yowza. This summer is FLYING by. I cannot believe it is July already. I am at work right now waiting for this guy to e-mail me back about the software package I am using cause it keeps terminating. Sigh. I want to be more productive. (OMG, is this really Sabrina talking?) This software malfunction is SERIOUSLY getting in my way. The Chinese grad student guys who are also interns are already here when I get here in the morning and they definitely stay later than me in the evenings. I refuse to keep such a schedule (until it becomes necessary) so I have to make the most of my workdays. But today, the Friday right before the 4th, people are finna skip out of the office maaaad early so I will probably do little to no actual work today. I just looked at my calendar for next week on Outlook, and I am cah-razy booked, Tuesday morning through Friday at 5pm. (So I will be getting to Nashville at about 10 or 11pm. Gotta wear semi-comfortable driving clothes to work cause I am hitting the road Jack right after my last meeting.) Next week we will be compiling all of the separate work that’s been done thus far on the projects. It should be interesting to get a broad top-level view of what’s happening and see where we need to go from here.

So I went to dance class Wednesday night. What a dissapointment. So I show up for Open Hip-Hip (just like I do in Nashville and just like I did in LA and DC) at 7:45pm. The "studio" is about the size of two or three adjacent parking spots (no lie). I ask about the class and how to register. The lady in charge (who resembles Dawn or Erin Glass) hands me a form and starts talking about a $35 registratioin fee and $45 a month (with June pro-rated). I have no cash and no checks on me so I ask her for directions to the nearest B of A ATM. Not only does she give me wrong directions, but she also implies that I should fill out the form while driving. She was joking, but that was not a very funny joke at all. I get lost going to the ATM and have to make 2 debit transactions at the CVS just to get enough cash. (This takes about 20 minutes as the cashier's drawer was empty and he had to get the keys from security and then figure out which key it was and then... sheesh.) I get to class right after the warm-up and something tells me to just pay for a single class ($12) instead of registering for the summer. Boy am I glad that I did that. The class was me and 6 white WOMEN (not girls) who had never taken dance before. I am dressed in my usual hip-hop dance class gear (baggy, but cool, no stretch pants unless they are flared at the ends or capris, hat, wristband, matching ‘fit) and ready to go. They were dressed like they were about to take a low-impact aerobics class at the local YMCA. So the teacher wasn’t necessarily bad (although she wasn’t spectacular either) but the class was so BASIC. She was teaching at a level that even my Beginner class at Vandy would laugh at. And the choreography was only okay, nothing exciting. And the music sucked. It was hip-hop, but it wasn’t anything exciting (I need a new word) or new or even good old school. Basically I more-than mastered the short combination in like no time at all. All of the girls in the class were looking at me like I was good at dancing because I was Black. I wanted to tell them that they need to come to Nashville with me, where it doesn’t even matter if you’re Black, white, Asian, Indian, boy, girl, young, old, cause if you can dance, you can dance. I was disappointed to say the least. My $12 was wasted, but that wasn’t even the really bad part. The worst part is that I have nowhere to dance for the rest of the summer. I am going to go insane. I can’t even find a good step aerobics class.

In other (better) news, EVERENE GOT A PROMOTION!!

BALTIMORE CITY PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM
BOARD OF SCHOOL COMMISSIONERS

Personnel, Employment, and Payroll Committee Recommendations for Action Effective Upon Board Approval If Not Otherwise Noted Items for Consideration

June 28, 2005

OFFICE OF CHIEF ACADEMIC OFFICER

appointments

Recommended that Everene Johnson-Turner, currently Special Assistant to the CAO, Office of the Chief Academic Officer, be appointed Deputy Chief Academic Officer, Office of the Chief Academic Officer No. 0520, effective June 25, 2005.

Yay for my mommy! Not only does she get a raise, but I also am now completely sure what her exact job title is. I haven’t really known this since she moved up from being a principal at some point while I was in college. Given this info, I asked her if she’d be willing to pay my rent for the next school year, but she said no. I think she’s hating. I mean, I am her DAUGHTER for crying out loud. What better way to spend your new money. She had better be saving for my future wedding/house purchase.

Dozie and Elby are coming to Charlotte this weekend cause it’s a holiday. I am not going home because there aren’t going to be very many people to kick it with MD. Ev is going to Las Vegas. Matt is in PA. Tara is in Miami. Valene is in Europe. Elby is down here in Durham. Anu is going to Texas. Nancy is in Cali (like always). Steph, Carol, and Kristina are there though. And there are other friends/family, but they probably have plans or are boring. Plus I don’t feel like leaving work today and driving 7+ hours, especially because traffic will be horrendous as it is a holiday weekend and I have to drive to Nashville next weekend to look for an apartment so that's a lot of driving. Elby, Dozie, and I were going to go to Myrtle Beach but it is supposed to thunderstorm all weekend so we didn’t want to waste our money to be stuck inside. Plus, Elby is the only soprano in her praise and worship choir so she can’t be gone on Sunday. So we are going to party it up here in the Queen City for Independence Day. I don’t really have Monday off anyway (hmph) so my laptop will be coming home with me today and I will be working on a presentation on Monday from home.

Okay now it's 3:30pm and I am oh-so ready to get out of here. My ish isn't working and all I am doing is wasting up minutes surfing the net. I had a great lunch with Shaveena at the City Tavern. They made pretty good crab cakes and chicken sandwich and it didn't break my bank. Speaking of bank, I still need to pay my rent and purchase a plane ticket to California in August. Okay I am rambling now, I need to be out. Happy Independence Day!

P.S. At 3:45pm, my mentor came in and told me to go home. Yay!

So Yeah... About this Entry

1 comment
Leave a comment
You Can Find This Entry Here Forever

Recent Entries \| Archive \| Friends \| About Me \| Previous 10 \| Top

Ruminations...

a good read if you're bored or if you're stalking me